As I reflect on this reading this month, and ask myself, what I need to stop to realize what's available in what this reading inspires, what I have to release isn’t something superficial; it’s a way of relating to myself that has been trying to protect you for a long time - and I honor that way of being as well as declaring it complete.
If I listen closely to the energy of this reading and to what I’ve been moving through, here’s what I discern as the core - at least for me. It may be different for you and I invite you to discover what's there for you.
For me - it's releasing the belief that you have to fix myself to be okay rooted in a deeper core belief that there is something wrong with and defective about me. OUCH!
This shows up as this following behaviors:
- Constantly scanning for what’s wrong with me and of course this has a ripple effect in my environment as well.
- Trying to solve my emotions instead of simply being with them
- Measuring my worth based on how others respond to me - what a trap!
- Bracing against life instead of allowing myself to land in it, trust it and be held by it.
- Making intensity mean something is broken - making it means something significant when it really doesn't need to mean anything at all.
I am taking on stopping trying to get out of the experience so quickly and instead get what there is get in the experience - this includes giving up:
- Pushing away sadness, shame, loneliness, fear - the hard ones.
- Interpreting hard feelings as evidence that something is wrong with you - and noticing the story that they are "hard!"
- Reaching for certainty, reassurance, or resolution before I’ve actually arrived... shifting to trust and breathing to stay embodied and in flow.
- Abandoning myself the moment discomfort shows up... stay with this and myself with love and grace.
On a deeper level, the specific thread is: “If I feel this way… something must be wrong with me.” And, this is the root to uproot and release.
This practice inspired by this reading invites being with myself as I am. Not an upgrade, not an improve, not fixing project.
The shift comes from:
Instead of asking myself “How do I get out of this as fast as possible?'
Instead shift to - “Can I be here, with this, and not leave myself?” This is the gateway to the full Well to source from.
When the wave hits and dread, shame, loneliness spiral is about to take over:
- Pause
- Put a hand on the body (heart, belly, wherever feels right)
- Say quietly: “Nothing is wrong with me in this moment.”
- Then gently ask: “What is one thing that is okay right now?” This can be super tiny... tiny shifts make all the difference.
The keys is to stop leaving the version of me that is here. SIMPLY BE HERE WITH LOVE, GRACE AND ACCEPTANCE. That’s the real release.
