As I reflect on this reading from Pause at the Well this month, and ask myself, "what do I need to stop to realize what's available in what this reading inspires", what I have to release isn’t something superficial; it’s a way of relating to myself that has been trying to protect me for a long time - and I honor that way of being and part of myself, as well as declaring it whole and complete.
If I listen closely to the energy of this reading and to what I’ve been moving through in my journey, here’s what I discern as the core - at least for me. It may be different for you... I invite you to discover that.
For me - it's releasing the belief that I have to fix myself to be okay - rooted in a deeper core belief that there is something wrong with and defective about me... foundationally.
This shows up as this following behaviors:
- Constantly scanning for what’s wrong - with me - and of course this has a ripple effect in my environment as well, causing pollution.
- Trying to solve my emotions instead of simply being with them... like a project to be managed.
- Measuring my worth based on how others respond to me - or not - what a trap!
- Bracing against life, instead of allowing myself to land in it, trust it and be held by it.
- Making intensity mean something is broken - making it means something significant when it really doesn't need to mean anything at all.
I am taking on stopping trying to get out of the experience that cause pain so quickly and instead get what there is get in the experience - this includes giving up:
- Pushing away sadness, shame, loneliness, fear - the hard ones.
- Interpreting hard feelings as evidence that something is wrong (with me) - and noticing the story that they are "hard!"
- Reaching for certainty, reassurance, or resolution before I’ve actually arrived... shifting to trust and breathing to stay embodied and in flow.
- Abandoning myself the moment discomfort shows up... stay with this and myself with love and grace.
On a deeper level, the specific thread is: “If I feel this way… something must be wrong with me.” And, this is the root to uproot and release. (In fact, if I feel this way - it means nothing more than I feel this way - and to love myself through it.)
This practice inspired by this reading invites being with myself as I am. Not an upgrade, not an improve, not a fixing project.
The shift comes from:
Instead of asking myself “How do I get out of this as fast as possible?'
Instead shift to - “Can I be here, with this, and not leave myself?” This is the gateway to the full Well to source from.
I invite - psychodramatically, to create your own gateway to the full Well to source from - concretize it somehow creatively - make it physical and let it inspire you to Pause at the Well in your own life and be within, with grace.
When the waves hit and a dread, shame, loneliness spiral is about to take over:
- Pause
- Put a hand on the body (heart, belly, wherever feels right)
- Say quietly: “Nothing is wrong with me in this moment.”
- Then gently ask: “What is one thing that is okay right now?” This can be super tiny... tiny shifts make all the difference.
- Then move through your gateway to the Well within and be sourced by this medicine..
That’s the real release.To return to Yourself. To re-member.
